Sunday, August 21, 2011

a 30-something in the city - adventures in online dating part 3

 I was working on some writing and have a few windows open.  A little envelope popped up on my screen alerting me to a message.  A "bet" was lost and quietguy2009 (names have been changed to protect the wackadoos) needed help w/ his "punishment."  The details were vague about the bet and no information was given on what exactly the punishment was.  So of course, I have to reply, "ok, spill it."  The bet, unimportant BUT there was great detail in email #2 on the wager.  Could I assist him in dressing up as a maid?  Complete with makeup and costume.  He already acquired some eyeshadow and lipstick but could I help w/ the smaller details and wait, it gets better... if I have anything that needs to be cleaned, that would be even better.

 Most normal people either reply "freak!" or don't reply at all.  Now, I'm not exactly the most "normal" person I know.  I mean, come on... that takes some guts to pretend to have lost a bet (yeah, the details on the punishment were waaaaaay too in-depth to be a - yo, lost a bet, can you take a pic of me dressed up as a woman?) and then to ask if I needed my house cleaned.  Hmmmm, now the thought did cross my mind that I could get a clean house out of this, BUT I wrote back, "Sorry!  I don't think I'm the right one to help you with this, but good luck!"  No response.

 The newer site isn't a total, I'm not saying there aren't any of your friendly neighborhood nutjobs either.  The "I don't have a photo because I am too well known" fellow is right next to the "married... but it's ok to browse" guy. And the dude w/ puppets.  Yup, puppets (or as I now want to refer to him, Yuppets).  Or the newman (Newman!) doppleganger who is looking for "casual s#x."  And of course, the no-photo "professor" who spells every other word wrong in his "want spoyled?" email.

  This is what's out there.  Hey married couples, see what your single friends are dealing with nowadays?  And relatives can now be shown these profiles the next time one asks "so, when are you going to settle down?"  Well Aunt Bertha, would you like to see profisorspoyalots page and tell me if you'd like him at our next Thanksgiving dinner across from you?  Can he get a "plus one" for his wife?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

a 30-something in the city - a black fly in your chardonnay

There he is ladies.  He looks smart, has a great smile (complete with all of his teeth AND they are almost sparkling) that he has flashed at you and says hello.  You chat for a minute or so and notice that you've just tucked your hair behind your ears when you laughed at his actually funny joke.  You sit back down with your friends and he waves when he passes by.  Your smile actually becomes slightly annoying to your table of pals finishing their drinks. 

Ahhh, an anomaly.  Good looking guy in his thirties that doesn't appear to be a playah.  You're home after your evening out and have settled in to check your Facebook.  Google... well, why not? (Yes, just admit it ladies, you look them up.  embrace the creeper in you) And then... you find out the most blah-inducing news.  MARRIED.  It's almost like a virus warning on your computer.  Flashing lights and sirens wailing.  Ok!  I get it!  Unavailable!  And you swear your laptop even said it quietly when you closed the page.  You aren't crushed but it's like you left your packed lunch out in the rain and your pb-j is soggy.  Nothing you can do.  *sigh*

We're at that age where most people are married. Or on their second or third wedding ring.  And if they aren't married, you start thinking... what's wrong?  Likes the ladies TOO much?  Has a weird "action figure" (doll) collection?  Lives w/ Mother whom he has to bring out on dates as a chaperone?  Where are the "normal" ones?  It's ok to be quirky or a little crazy (but not Norman Bates crazy).  It's even ok to have a Yoda on your desk.  A, singular, Yoda.  Not the whole cantina scene replicated in your cube, complete w/ wookie. 

So yes Alanis, it IS like a black fly in your chardonnay.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Girls on Film (DD)

Get your mind out of the gutter.

ok, now get it back in the gutter.

Ticketmaster informed me today is duran duran appreciation day.  in my quest of finding the right DD video... i came across - night time videos.  did anyone else know about these?  granted, i was too young back in the day but HELLO, i did NOT know that duran duran essentially made softcore porn videos to a couple of their songs.  i didn't think they could get any better!  i heart you john taylor.

 (not an X rated video)
duran duran appreciation day

Sunday, August 7, 2011

a 30-something in the city - a fair to remember

Last night a friend and I went to the 80's hair band night at the fair.  Yes, I was a wee one back in the heyday of aqua net guyliner boys and screeching guitars BUT still I had plastered my walls with pics of CC Deville and Sebastian Bach.  As it got closer to the day of the show, I got more excited thinking about how I was going to see bands I grew up swishing my hair back and forth to when I was in elementary school.  I knew I would end up, at some point that night, displaying my rock on fingers (complete w/ tongue out) for the camera sometime that night.  And yes I did.  I displayed them proudly.

Here we are, seated in a decent section.  Not far from the standing "room" on the track in front of the stage.  We randomly plotted how we could jump the guardrail and headbang our way down to the crowd.  When we weren't discussing that, we were thinking of distractions I could create so my friend could crawl under the trailer and run back to meet one of the bands.  There was no doubt in our minds that our section would be rocking out w/ their...  well, anyways.  We were wrong.

Amongst the mullets, tightly laced corset tops, Motely Crue tees (no, it wasn't a crue show), bandana-ed long hair and leather pants and slashed leggings, the two of us were the only ones actually standing up and getting down... I in my jeans, she in her leggings and tank.  The "normal" ones in our section.  Now, I must say, we had two people, our favorites, a few rows down who were singing every song... wrist bands on (apparently to catch the sweat from all the fist pumping)... and mini smooches in between power ballads.  Otherwise, most of the rows were filled w/ sedate, almost napping, late 80's throwbacks.  Wha???  Disappointed.

I was sooo ready to see some kicka$$ headbanging.  Or at least some movement. It was nice to see real lighters in the crowd during the power ballads though.  You can tell times have changed.  I remember going to shows in college and actually holding up a REAL lighter to a good song.  Nowadays, lighter apps on cell phones.  (Ok, i admit, I had my virtual BIC on.  soo much easier on the finger.)  I digress.  So we decided to be the "rebels" of our section and be the leaders.  GET UP EVERYONE.  BOB YOUR HEADS AT LEAST! We yelled at the end of songs!  We sang, sometimes the wrong lyrics!  We made our row shake with dancing!  Only in the encore did people follow suit.  Or were getting up to leave, realized there was one more song and didn't feel like sitting.   But in our heads, we started the rock revolution in section F.  ROCK ON YOU WAYWARD SONS!