a 30-something... Recap

Was just at the Safeway.

Sorry everyone, it's been a while since my last blog. I barely have had time to comb my hair (so if you see me, pay no attention to the gigantic dreadlock-like knots)so unfortunately, I slacked here.

Let me get you caught up.

I travel to Northern VA a few times a year to visit with my best friend and her family. Friday, while they were at work, I ventured into Old Town Warrenton on my own with my camera. Stopped at a lovely bakery... got a muffin and iced tea. Then, off to a fair trade jewelry/clothing store. Really nice day... THEN...

I decided to go to the old jail museum. I listened to the history from the nice older man volunteering and couldn't wait to visit the solitary confinement area. Yeah, I'm a weirdo like that. Then, I heard it. This voice... the kind of voice you hear when your parents said - don't talk to strangers. That jolly-creepy Mr. Hanky kind of voice (South Park reference if you didn't know). "Great, I'm going to get stuck w/ him," I thought while looking at prison toothbrushes. Yup. I did. Stopped me to ask if I'd like to go visit his mu.zee.um. Then on and on about how he has his own and would I like to come and see it? He was a slight, older man w/ the 50's slicked back hair. He wrote down the address and added, "It's behind the Safeway... you know where the Safeway is?" Asked for my phone number and name. (Sorry random number I made up, and I really hope no one there is named Hilda!) Told a not-pc joke and added, "I liiiike to make people laugh? Do you like to laugh? I'll make you laugh all day long if you come to my museum."

Yeah, I think by laugh he means, beg for freedom when he has you shackled to his radiator. Apparently his "museum" is an apartment behind the Safeway. The kind volunteer told me. Thanks creepster. Ruined my jail time. Basically sprinted through the rest in case I got stuck with him in maximum security. And I could not guarantee that I wouldn't shove him in and jump over the metal staircase. It didn't come down to that.

Let's see... what else is going on.

A few random emails came through from a dating website. One from an older man (no, not the Safeway Creeper - I'm trademarking that if he really is the next wackadoo on the news) whose profile is like Donald Trump's resume and who likes to replace "o" w/ "q". Don't ask. I did. No response. A few more "hi" emails. That's all you have to say, then move along pardner (tipping my cowboy hat).

I'm sure I'll remember more stories for next week's blog. And perhaps one after my band's show tonight. I'm sure I'll have some great stories about a Halloween party at a bar. (Side note, I'm going as Det. Olivia Benson. Special Victims Unit. Keeping an eye out for perps. And pervs. I need some good material for you guys. I just need a Stabler...) And no, not a slutty detective.

Now, I'm off to shoot a wedding, in the snow. Have a happy and safe Halloween everyone!

a 30-something in the city - adventures in online dating part 3

 I was working on some writing and have a few windows open.  A little envelope popped up on my screen alerting me to a message.  A "bet" was lost and quietguy2009 (names have been changed to protect the wackadoos) needed help w/ his "punishment."  The details were vague about the bet and no information was given on what exactly the punishment was.  So of course, I have to reply, "ok, spill it."  The bet, unimportant BUT there was great detail in email #2 on the wager.  Could I assist him in dressing up as a maid?  Complete with makeup and costume.  He already acquired some eyeshadow and lipstick but could I help w/ the smaller details and wait, it gets better... if I have anything that needs to be cleaned, that would be even better.

 Most normal people either reply "freak!" or don't reply at all.  Now, I'm not exactly the most "normal" person I know.  I mean, come on... that takes some guts to pretend to have lost a bet (yeah, the details on the punishment were waaaaaay too in-depth to be a - yo, lost a bet, can you take a pic of me dressed up as a woman?) and then to ask if I needed my house cleaned.  Hmmmm, now the thought did cross my mind that I could get a clean house out of this, BUT I wrote back, "Sorry!  I don't think I'm the right one to help you with this, but good luck!"  No response.

 The newer site isn't a total creepfest...now, I'm not saying there aren't any of your friendly neighborhood nutjobs either.  The "I don't have a photo because I am too well known" fellow is right next to the "married... but it's ok to browse" guy. And the dude w/ puppets.  Yup, puppets (or as I now want to refer to him, Yuppets).  Or the newman (Newman!) doppleganger who is looking for "casual s#x."  And of course, the no-photo "professor" who spells every other word wrong in his "want spoyled?" email.

  This is what's out there.  Hey married couples, see what your single friends are dealing with nowadays?  And relatives can now be shown these profiles the next time one asks "so, when are you going to settle down?"  Well Aunt Bertha, would you like to see profisorspoyalots page and tell me if you'd like him at our next Thanksgiving dinner across from you?  Can he get a "plus one" for his wife?